AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
Parenting has never been easy, but it seems that raising kids today is an even bigger challenge than before. Parents spend more time working and more time taking care of their children than they did two decades ago. And nearly half of parents surveyed say that their stress is, quote, "completely overwhelming" on most days. All that's according to an advisory from the U.S. surgeon general that went out last fall. So what can you do to avoid burning out as a parent? Life Kit's Andee Tagle, a fellow parent in the trenches, is here to help. Hi there, Andee.
ANDEE TAGLE, BYLINE: Hey, Ayesha.
RASCOE: I hear you found a magical solution for burned out parents in your reporting. I need to hear about this.
TAGLE: All right. Yes, it's called a unicorn space. So this is something brought to me by Eve Rodsky. She's an expert on the gender division of household labor and child care. She wrote a popular book about it called "Fair Play." She interviewed hundreds of people about how they deal with the mental load, so that's all that invisible work that it takes to run a household. And she found that a lot of that burden falls on women and mothers. Not a big surprise - she says that the antidote to parental burnout is being consistently interested in your own life, and a unicorn space is the vehicle how you do that. So here's how she explains it.
EVE RODSKY: This space - which is fictional like a unicorn, but you can reclaim it 'cause it's beautiful and magical - it's really the space to say, I want to be interested again in my own life, and I'm willing to practice and try different things. It doesn't have to be something I've done before or what I did as a kid, but I know that I want to bring back some experiences like I can't believe I just did that.
RASCOE: That sounds like a really nice sentiment in theory. But how are parents - busy parents, especially busy mothers - supposed to avoid burnout by adding even more activities to their plate?
TAGLE: I know how it sounds, Ayesha, and the answer is, it's going to take a lot of planning, right? So you can take a hard look at your calendar. Do a time audit. You're definitely going to need ongoing communication, negotiation and buy-in from your community of caregivers, your network, whatever that looks like for you. The other squishier and, I think, harder part of this is letting go of parental guilt. Rodsky says, you need to give yourself permission to be unavailable from your roles as parent, partner and professional. That's a big ask, but if you can do it, you and your kid will be better for it, especially on hard days. For Rodsky, that means writing. Here she is.
RODSKY: I'll tell you that the days I write, I am a better parent because I'm weathering those emotions in a healthy way. I am a better parent. I'm less burnt out. The ballet class - you may think you don't have time for it. That's the best investment to being a better parent.
TAGLE: You know, Ayesha, this writing really helps me. This time isn't selfish or self-indulgent. Practicing being a whole person, not just a parent, is healthy for myself and for my family.
RASCOE: All right. Well, let's say I no longer feel guilty about spending some time on myself. How do I go about finding that unicorn space?
TAGLE: All right. Let's get to the fun stuff. So once you carve out that time, Rodsky has a three-step, three-Cs plan to finding that unicorn space. The first C is curiosity. So what is one thing you can do for yourself this month that excites you outside of your roles as parent, partner and professional? Chase your values.
The second C is connection. So take that thing that you're doing and put it on display. When you share your passions with others, you never know what doors might open up for you or for the people that you share it with.
The third C is completion. And Rodsky stresses here that completion is not the same thing as perfection. So you don't have to have any big, lofty goals in mind with your thing, but you do want to have an end point and a finish line. Reason being is - this is going to make it different from the other habits or hobbies in your life like going to the gym or meditation. When you reach that finish line, it's going to be really exciting. It's going to keep you coming back, and it's going to give you that great dopamine hit.
RASCOE: That's Life Kit's Andee Tagle. Thank you so much for joining us.
TAGLE: Thanks for having me. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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