If you or someone you know may be considering suicide or is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or reach out to a mental health professional.
Chris and Martha Thomas are busy in September. It’s National Suicide Prevention Month. They lost their daughter Ella to suicide 6½ years ago. Now they teach others how to recognize the signs. It’s part of an effort to keep other families from experiencing an unimaginable loss.
To see a picture of the Thomases before Ella died is to believe in a happy family. Her smile was radiant. Her parents say she adored her younger brother, Solomon, who now plays football for the NFL's New York Jets.
“Well, like Chris says, suicide is indiscriminate,” said Martha. “But Ella was sexually assaulted at the University of Arkansas and did not talk to us about it for quite some time; she was so ashamed. But everything started to unravel for her.”
After Ella’s death at age 24, Martha says it felt like she was in a different world.
“When our daughter died, people didn’t want to talk to us about it. Like, people became visibly uncomfortable if we said her name,” said Martha. “And we wouldn’t stop.”
The Thomases began to work with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Through Solomon’s advocacy in the NFL, other partnerships grew. They started a nonprofit, The Defensive Line, to help teach others to recognize the signs of suicide. It’s part of an effort to keep other families from experiencing an unimaginable loss.
Recently, the parents presented at the Florida Behavioral Health Association conference. But Chris says that at first, he and Martha couldn’t accept the idea that suicide can be prevented.
“… Because our thought was, ‘Well, why didn’t we prevent Ella from dying?’ But the reality is with the right therapy, training, the right resources, people CAN survive,” he said. “When you understand why people are dying, because they’re in pain, they’re lonely, they’re isolated – there are significant changes of behavior – then we can start addressing it and help save lives. So, our mission is to help transform the way people communicate and connect about mental health.”
Communication can be a big part of helping people who are thinking about suicide. Jonathan Gomez is the 988 Program Coordinator at 211 Big Bend. That’s a suicide hotline that anyone can call or text to be connected with someone who can help. It’s confidential and free. Gomez says his job is listening to people who need someone to listen.
“So many people have brought these things up to their family, to their friends, co-workers – and are told things like, ‘Oh, get over it. It’s not that bad,’ or ‘That’s nothing, you should see what happened to me,’” Gomez said. “So, at minimum, people know that when they reach out to us, they’re going to get someone who is going to respect the experiences that they’re having, and we recognize that crisis is something that’s self-defined.”
Gomez says it’s rare that someone is reaching out because of suicidal ideation without some underlying reason.
“… Some mental health condition, a traumatic experience, if they recently lost someone, if they were recently sexually assaulted, if it’s a domestic violence situation … there’s a lot of things that go hand in hand. Like substance use – that can sometimes – it’s not a predictor for suicidal ideation, but they do go hand in hand sometimes.”
Chris and Martha are still struggling with that question. But they’re trying to turn their loss into someone else’s gain.
“I saw this Maya Angelou quote this morning: ‘Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it,’” Martha said. “We try most days to be able to do that, but it’s also what motivates us to help other people learn so they know more what to do than we did.”
A study from Pew Research Center this year shows a rise in suicide among young Black people, like Ella. Overall rates of suicide among people ages 10 to 19 are trending down.
Suicide Warning Signs for Adults
- Risk is greater if a behavior is new or has increased, and if it seems related to a painful event, loss, or change. Talking about or making plans for suicide.
- Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
- Talking about being a burden to others.
- Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
- Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
- Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
- Sleeping too little or too much.
- Withdrawing or feeling isolated.
- Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
- Displaying extreme mood swings.
Source: 211 Big Bend
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